I had a breakthrough.

One of the things I struggle with is worth and value in the things I make. To me, each thing I make is like my baby. A piece of my heart and soul is poured into every quilt, every mug rug, every pillowcase, etc. I have been constantly asking myself, “what is this worth? Is this valuable? If I try to sell this, will anyone want it? Will they even like it? And if they do like it, will they be willing to spend their hard-earned money on this thing that I made?” (Y’all, I’m about to open my own quilt shop and I’m having some serious doubts.)

I listened to Taylor Lee give an excellent talk on her Instagram LIVE that shed some light on some of the shadows I’ve had in my brain. I named doubts and fears that apprehended me from sharing or even doing what I love. Like for instance, I have a fear in the back of my mind that the recipient will not appreciate or love what I made for him or her as much as I do. And if they don’t love it, does that mean my work isn’t worth anything? To be completely honest, my doubts about how much my work is worth and how valuable it is translate into my doubts about how much I am worth as a person. “How valuable am I? What am I worth? Am I appreciated and loved? And by whom?” (There’s the deep question.) As I think about myself and my faults, shortcomings, and sin issues, I get so down and wonder how it’s possible that anybody could ever love me. What do people see in me that makes them stick around and tolerate me, like me, and LOVE me? What about me is so interesting?

I had my “aha” moment that broke me. I was asking the Lord (and myself), “what am I worth? What do You see in me?” And the answer came as a whisper but it was as plain as day. I am worth JESUS to the God of the universe. Jesus who is perfect in every way and I am not. Jesus who never ever sinned, (not once!) and I sin every single day. Jesus who always pleased the Father and I do not.

And yet, when God looks at me, He does not see my righteousness, He sees the perfect person of His Son. (How can this be!?!?!)

I am completely, entirely, and fully loved by Him. I am worth everything He is, not because of any innate ability or quality of mine, but because He saved me from my sins by giving His life as a ransom for me. And that’s really all that matters. He rescued me. He redeemed me. (You’d think I’d know this, and I did in my head. But it’s been so long since it’s penetrated my heart and sunk in.) Y’all, this never felt real until now!

I am in awe of how God works. He doesn’t leave us in the dark.

So anything good that you see from me, whether it’s something I make or say or do, is not because of me. It’s all because of Jesus, my precious Savior. He has changed my life forever and without Him I am nothing.

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We’re Not Kids Anymore

We used to be afraid of the dark.

The shadows in the corner,

The monsters in the closet,

The dragons,

The skeletons,

The thundering rain.

They didn’t disappear

When we grew up.

No

They grew with us.

The shadows are now inside us.

Haunting thoughts,

Discouraging dreams.

The monsters are Insecurity,

Depression,

Hatred,

Stress,

Pain.

The dragons destroy our sparks

Our hopes,

Our courage,

Our ideas,

Our love.

The skeletons scare us

Until we become

Just

Like

Them.

Unfeeling,

Unloving,

Uncaring.

We aren’t little kids anymore.

Now we’re little kids inside big people bodies.

Fighting to stay alive,

To stay true,

To stay “us.”

We’re turning on night lights,

Revealing monsters,

Slaying dragons,

Touching skeletons realizing,

They felt once,

Cared once,

Loved once.

Now we’re reaching,

Rescuing,

Holding,

Healing,

Loving.

Living.

Because Someone did that

For us.