An open letter to my best friend

Today’s the day you graduate! I am so excited for this next chapter in your life.  You have come so far. I know it wasn’t easy persevering to the end but you made it!

Thank you for praying me through my own anxious days. Your support and your encouragement reminded me of how greatly God has blessed me to give me a friend like you. You were quick to remind me of His promises. As iron sharpens iron, you have sharpened me, dear friend.

I wish so badly that I was by your side celebrating with you, but know that I’m thinking of you right now. You’re going to do great things. I know the Lord will bless everyone who comes into your life because you, sweet girl, are a blessing.

We may be a thousand miles away. Literally. But not even distance will make me love you less. In fact, I think I love you more than I did when we were twenty-three miles away!

Congratulations on graduating!

Love,

Ruth 💕

P.S. I’m finished too! 😁

A Little Motivation

The most wonderful thing happened last week.

Saturday evening, I opened a package from Mrs. Terri. I knew it was a graduation gift. Mom asked me if I wanted to open it now or later. She was like, “maybe it will motivate you to finish school.” and I was like, “Mom, I don’t need any more motivation to finish.” But Mrs. Terri wanted me to open it, so I did. And I am so thrilled.

Y’all, the Pin Pals made me a quilt.

Several of the ladies made quilt blocks and embroidered a message, or just signed their name in the corner of their block. They picked such beautiful fabrics. There are pink and red flowers. There are text fabrics with different quilt terms. There’s a block with “Baby Ruth” embroidered in big red script letters. (That’s what all the ladies call me!) The backing is a green and white triangle pattern. Mrs. Terri quilted the entire thing with meanders and stars.

It is so perfect!

No one has ever made me a quilt before. I have always been the giver and maker of quilts! Being on the receiving end, I understand now how special and meaningful quilts truly are. They are the product of love, kindness, and generosity. To me, it’s a reminder that though distance may separate us, it cannot lessen the love that I have for my Pin Pals and the Pin Pals have for me. It is a comfort and an encouragement (not to mention it keeps me warm at night!).

That Saturday, I was sad that the sewing guild will not be here to celebrate my graduation with me. When I look at this quilt, and as I’ve read the messages they wrote on my card, I see that they’re already celebrating. They’re already proud of me and they are already excited for the next chapter of my life to start.

I think Mrs. Rose said it just right:

“I will be right there with you in spirit as you graduate and you will know we are all there with you when you wrap yourself in the quilt. You are loved.”

I can’t get over how amazing this gift is. I’m never letting this one go.

Now I really have to finish. I said I didn’t need any more motivation, but the Lord knew I needed this.

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Physics is finished. I took my last test yesterday! All I have left are two writing assignments for English. I’m almost done.

One More Week

Time has just flown.

I just have Physics and English to finish up.

Accounting is finally over. It’s been a struggle. I don’t even know what my final grade is. I know it’s not good. I’m hoping I made a C, but I don’t know. My second to last test was a 66. I think this last one was a 74…I’m not sure. I’m kicking myself because on this last test, there were two questions that I had the correct answer at first, but I changed my mind. For once I got every true or false question right, but that wasn’t enough.

I’m still disappointed that I didn’t even come close to that 86.

About four months in, I wanted to drop out of Accounting. I’ve never wanted to drop out of a class. Ever. Even if it was hard, I pushed through it but this one was So. Difficult. I hated it. I still do, but maybe with less fervor. Anyways, Dad wouldn’t let me quit. I’m glad I didn’t drop the class, because I don’t want to known as a quitter, but failing a class isn’t much better.

I’ve been thinking about which one’s worse: a quitter or a failure?

After talking with a sister in Christ, I came to the conclusion that a quitter is a failure. A quitter is someone who gives up when it gets too hard. God calls us to persevere, to keep on keeping on. His definition of a failure is not a grade that I get or don’t get. His definition of a failure is that I didn’t even try. His definition of a failure is that I didn’t finish the work because it got too hard, so I gave up.

So even if I fail the class, and even though I’m not proud of my work. I tried. I hated every second of it and I might have tried a little too late, but I finished the course.

And I will never take Accounting ever again.

I’m a Terrible Planner.

April 26, 2017

I’ve been struggling with anxiety.

Not the mental disorder.

Just the natural stress and worries related to senioritis, work, and health combined.

The past two weeks have been really rough on me.

I’ve had trouble breathing and relaxing in general. Taking deep breaths are really hard these days.

I constantly feel like I’m going to throw up. But it’s interesting that I don’t feel nauseous. It’s all lodged in my throat suffocating me.

I know it’s related to my stress.

I was falling behind in school and graduation is creeping on me faster than I’d like.

I haven’t been prioritizing very well. I’ve spent too much time doing what I want to do rather than doing what I have to do. I don’t even know when I’ll finish school. There is just so. much.

I am so ready to be done with high school. Forever.


May 12, 2017

My stress level has gone down some. I feel like I can breathe more deeply at times. However I still feel like I’ll throw up when I think about how close graduation is.

I’ve caught up in school and so far I’m on track to graduate after June 10th. The only subject I’m really worried about is Physics. I have the most work there out of all my other subjects…actually that’s not true. I have about the same work in English. But I like English more than Physics. I still hate Accounting. I need at least an 86 to pass for the year and I have two tests left. I’m really happy about the 92 I scored last week. (I’m really good at taxes but not really anything else.)

Work has picked up significantly. I’ve worked at the trophy shop for six months and we have now entered what I have been calling “Mayday.” Basically the entire month of May and the first part of June is nonstop work. There are so many phone calls and so many emails. There’s a lot of everything. Soccer, baseball, music recitals, dance recitals, end of school year awards, volleyball, softball, corporate quarterly and monthly awards. Everything. I’m hanging in there.

Most days are really draining for me. On the days I’m working, I get home and basically melt on the inside and crash on the outside. Then I force myself to go finish Business Math for the day because it’s easy stuff and I only have two more weeks left. (After that’s done, I’m taking on more Physics.)

On the weekends, I pretty much spend all my time studying. I’ve had to say no to babysitting till after graduation. The last time I sewed was last week. I finished some burlap table toppers for Ms. Alice only because she needs them before June and I agreed beforehand to do them. Besides that, I won’t be sewing till after graduation.

Originally, I had planned to do so much work in 9th, 10th, and 11th grade that I could take it easy my senior year. I knew I would get a job during my last year. But even with all the work I did and with all the extra time I had before I started working, I managed to put everything off till the last minute. I spent way too much time doing what I wanted to do rather than focusing on what I absolutely had to do. My priorities went topsy-turvy and now I’m struggling to stay balanced and take deep breaths.

I wish I listened to my parents earlier rather than later. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like I’ll throw up.