The Goodness of God

{Past}

It’s been a while. A long while since I saw him, or heard from him. And then, there he was. Smiling, staring at the ground with a girl by his side. Their faces frozen forever in a perfect little picture.

I shouldn’t have been stalking her. Now my heart hurts. It’s not broken. I remember what that feels like. It was so horrible. I felt shattered, crushed into a million pieces. I never felt so small and insignificant in my whole life. No, this time it’s a dull ache that burns in my chest. There’s regret. So much regret.

I’m relieved that it’s over. I finally have closure. But I also feel sad and disappointed that things didn’t turn out the way I had hoped. I desperately wanted him notice me. I tried so hard and wasted so much time and energy trying to get him to like me. But it was all to no avail. He wasn’t the one for me.

Thank God.


{Present}

The past three years have been one heck of a ride. It’s amazing how far the Lord has brought me and just how much He’s done in my heart.

15. That was not very long ago. I was young and crazy and head over heels for one guy, and then another guy, and then another. (None of which liked me back the very least.)

I spent so much time and energy trying to make boys that just weren’t the ones for me, the right ones for me. I had tried so hard to give my heart to each one. Mom warned me about the consequences of doing that. It would hurt and it’s a waste of time and affection that is so very precious. I would regret it because there were so many other things I could pour my energy into other than boys. But I didn’t listen. I still gave my heart away and every single time, I got hurt.

I let myself go until I became someone I didn’t recognize. I was unhappy with my image, with my personality, with all of me because I felt like no one liked me for who I really was. I tried so hard to be someone else for a guy. A guy who didn’t care for me. I spent so much time and energy wishing, wanting, and trying way too hard to get him to like me. Every night, I prayed that he would be the one for me. I said, “God, please let him be the one!” when really I meant, “God, please make him the one!” I am so thankful God did not give me what I wanted!

Then I moved.

And then the healing began.

I came to face some really hard truths.

Truth is, I wasn’t ready to date. (And I’m still not ready to date.)

Truth is, I wasn’t ready for marriage. (And I’m still not ready for marriage.)

Truth is, every guy I really liked was actually a terrible match for me.

Truth is, the distance away from my friends and all the guys I knew has actually been really good for me.

Truth is, I really need to get to know my Savior first before I ever get to know any guy.

Truth is, I have a really good God who has protected my heart in so many ways, it makes me cry every time I really think about it.

For three years, God gave me acne. The kind of acne that you just can’t hide no matter how much makeup you put on. It was big, red, painful, and pretty much all over my face. I hated it so much, but now I’m pretty sure those mountains were what kept the boys from falling in love with me during a very vulnerable time.

You know how I know?

Three years ago, in the middle of my boy-craziness, my acne was just awful. Like I went to a dermatologist because it was so awful, and she said it was awful. (Okay, she said it was very severe, not awful.) It was bad. Up until the time I moved, it had stayed that way. But ever since I’ve been living here, my skin has healed! It’s unreal. As I have grown in the Lord and let Him heal my heart, He has healed my skin too. It’s so amazing.

Ever since I moved, I have not met a single guy who is remotely close to my age. (Okay, that’s not true. There are boys here but they’re young and wild.)

God gave me ladies like my mom and Mrs. Nancy. Ladies who love the Lord and who are the kind of wives that I want to be when it’s time.

God gave me a handful of good, Christian girlfriends who have encouraged me in my walk with Him.

God gave me such a good daddy (and mommy) who will guard my heart even when I won’t do it myself. And they will continue to guard it until God brings the man HE picked for me. I’m so thankful for my parents. They counseled me when I was heartbroken. Now they’re encouraging me to pour my energy and time into the people I love and the things I like to do. To be busy instead of sitting around wishing for a boyfriend. They reminded me to be myself and to love myself because God made me the way I am: Complete. Perfectly and wonderfully made. Exactly the way He wanted me to be. And God doesn’t make mistakes. And finally, they told me to wait on the Lord’s timing. For His timing is perfect, and He always, always, has my best interests in mind.

So that’s where I am now. Waiting and trusting in the Lord.

It snowed today.

SNOW. Here. In March!

Due to Daylight Savings, I accidentally woke up at what would be 5:30am. But I’m so glad I did because I watched the snow fall for a little bit before I crawled back into bed…and then back out because it was time to get up. 😛

The snow fell in big fluffy snowflakes. They were so perfect for snowballs and snowmen. That’s my favorite. 😉

Driving to church was an adventure. Everything was white and grey. Snow was still falling and not too many people were out. All was quiet and still. Having all the trees dusted in snow and seeing everything dressed in white made us all think we were in the middle of Narnia’s winter. It was so beautiful,  I can’t even tell you how beautiful this was. Can you tell we don’t get snow here that often?

There were snowball fights at church, then another one at home. We all had frozen fingers that stung so bad and wet clothes that chilled our bones. It was so much fun! I felt like we were living that snowball fight scene from The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe.

But like any snow day over here, it melted by the end of the day.

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So that happened. 🙂

G’night.

 

 

 

Good Gifts

You don’t realize how special your family is. 99% of the time, you take them for granted whether they’re around or not.

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That is until you have special moments like these.

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Becca tho. Why.

When you’re together and you catch up on life.

 

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When you’re laughing so hard your sides hurt and you’re crying. Or you stay up till 2am and literally fall asleep talking to each other.

That was what happened when the cousins came. We haven’t seen them in a couple of years, but they came to visit for New Year’s weekend. It was so so good. I didn’t realize how much I missed them and loved them until they had to go. I cried so hard the day they left. I had taken them for granted.


My uncle flew in from Korea and stayed with us for like ten days or so. Komo came for two days during that time. Oh, and Uncle Joe surprised us and stayed with us too. So we had our family reunion and played games and watched movies. Here are some of my favorite moments.

That time when we watched Inside Out and we all cried together.

All the puzzles we put together. With every piece, Uncle David would say, “This is key.”

When we played games and Uncle David said,”The losers shall eat chocolate because they are sad.”

The fact that Uncle Joe brought more food than clothes with him when he arrived. How does he manage to get everything through security?!?!? #donutsfordays #whitecastle #ilovemyuncle

Sam was baptized the same weekend both uncles were here. (Komo unfortunately had to go back to work.)

With every game we played, Uncle David calculated the probability of the dice or the cards and insisted that we trust the math… Because the math works and math is life.


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We also took a trip down to Texas to see some friends. Man, have I missed these girls!

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An unexpected surprise! We got to see Aunt Laura and Uncle Kerry!

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Aunt Laura and Uncle AJ renewed their wedding vows for their 25th anniversary.

Hearing parts of their journey together and hearing their new promises to each other with the ocean crashing behind them was such a privilege. Being married to only each other for 25 years is a rarity. It’s one thing to get married, but it’s another thing to stay married. Their marriage and my parents’ marriage are a testimony to the Lord’s goodness and His grace. That’s the kind of marriage I want–one that is firmly anchored to the Lord and to be growing and encouraging each other to be more like Christ.

 

With all the people I got to see these past few months, James 1:17 kept coming to mind. Every soul I got to see, every hug I got to give, and every laugh we shared was a beautiful gift from the Father of lights. I don’t know when I’ll get to see them again. It’s more fun now that we’re older, but it’s also harder to get together because we’re working and there’s college and life happens. But I realize that my family is important. I often take them for granted, but they are a good, good gift from my heavenly Father. I need to make time for them. I may not see my friends on a regular basis, but every text message, every card, and every skype call or lunch date is a good, good gift from my Father. I can’t take that for granted.

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“These are the days, these are the days. The days we’ll never get back. These are the days, these are the days. And these days are all we have.”

Happy birthday, Big Ruth

Today’s my twin’s birthday.

I got to see her yesterday and celebrate her birthday early. We spent the day at Mrs. Rose’s house making cards with my aunt, Mom, and sisters. We only stopped to go to lunch, which was delicious. Big Ruth and I both had honey Chipotle fish tacos.

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We also took Big Ruth out to dinner with Ms. Sandy and Mrs. Loyd. We had Korean barbeque! I had such a wonderful time. I haven’t seen Big Ruth in over a year and it meant the world to me to celebrate her birthday with her.

She and I were always roommates whenever we went on a sewing retreat. She would come with me and Mom when I entered my quilts in the Oklahoma City Winter Quilt Show. She is full of wisdom and knowledge about just about anything. (I guess one will become like that if you’ve lived as long as she has. 😋) She is one of my biggest cheerleaders and she has encouraged me in all of my crafty endeavors. She also continues to update me on the guild since I moved away.

Way back when I first met her, she was the oldest Ruth and the only Ruth I knew other than my namesake from the Bible. (She’s still the oldest Ruth I know, by the way.) We met at the sewing guild she and my mother attended. I liked her so much, I pretty much sat next to her from there on out. Names got confusing at the guild because Big Ruth had been just “Ruth” for so long. Now that I started coming, whenever someone said, “Ruth!” We would both turn around. We were always together so that added to the confusion. We were like twins.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 didn’t work out so well, so Big Ruth and Baby Ruth came about. Since Big Ruth was born first, she earned the bigger title. (It’s a southern thing to call the older person, “big” anything: Big Momma, Big Daddy, Big Ruth. It’s not a derogatory term, y’all.) I became Baby Ruth, obviously. 😊 Pretty soon everyone in the guild caught on and adjusted to the new names.

Introductions were so much fun! Big Ruth and I would go together and she would say, “Hi, I’m Big Ruth.” I would say, “Hi, I’m Baby Ruth. We’re twins.” And she would say, “But I was born first.”

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I love you so much, my twin. Happy birthday. ❤

Girls’ Night.

I spent the night at Mrs. Nancy’s house.

Which I think is amazing because I don’t do sleepovers very often. Frankly, I love my bed and the comfort of my home. (But that doesn’t stop me from trying to spend the night somewhere every once and a while.) Ever since I was little, I had trouble sleeping at other people’s homes. I would beg my dad to come pick me up around midnight, or I would be up every hour of the night and miserable the next day because I was so tired. But there’s something about Mr. Rex and Mrs. Nancy’s house that makes me feel at peace. The last time I slept over, E. came with me and I didn’t wake up once in the middle of the night! This time, I went by myself because I was helping Mrs. Nancy with her quilt and Mr. Rex was out of town. I think I woke up only once, but fell right back to sleep!

 

So the sleepovers will continue to happen.

 

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I had so much fun with Mrs. Nancy! We sewed and talked. We drank tea and shared stories. We had our devotions in the evening and prayed together. On the way to church, we sang songs and hymns to prepare our hearts. I love that I can share my heart and my dreams with her and that in her years of experience of walking with the Lord and in her knowledge of Him, she encourages me according to what the Bible says. One of the gentlemen at church pointed out that our time together was exactly what Paul was instructing the church to do:

the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
Titus 2:3‭-‬5 NKJV

(Now, y’all know I’m not married, but you get the idea.) The older ones are teaching the younger ones. Encouraging them and loving them the way Christ did when He was on earth.

I’m just so thankful that in addition to my godly parents, I have kindred spirits like Mrs. Nancy that God has placed in my life to encourage me in my walk with Him. It’s a bonus that I share my love for people and quilting with her. 🙂

Book List of 2017

So one of my goals is to read at least 20 books this year.

Here’s what I’ve got.

 1. S.H.E. – Safe, Healthy, Empowered. (Rebecca St. James)
2. The Lightning Thief (Rick Riordan)
3. The Sea of Monsters (Rick Riordan)
4. Love’s Pursuit (Siri Mitchell)
5. A Constant Heart (Siri Mitchell)
6. Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore (Robin Sloan)
7. The Butterfly and the Violin (Kristy Cambron)
8. The Sparrow of Terezain (Kristy Cambron)
9. Love Comes Softly (Janette Oake)
10. Wait for Me. (Rebecca St. James)
11. Passion and Purity (Elisabeth Elliot)
12. Jesus > Religion (Jefferson Bethke)
13. A Red Herring Without Mustard (Alan Bradley)
14. The Book Thief (Markus Zusak)
15. Number the Stars (Lois Lowry)
16. Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World (Joanne Weaver)
17. Dashwood Avenue (RJ Conte)
18. Crazy Love (Francis Chan)
19. Because He Loves Me (Elise Fitzpatrick)
20. Boundaries (Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend)
21. Throne of Glass (Sarah J. Maas)
22. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Victor Hugo)
23. Les Miserables (Victor Hugo)
Most of these are books I haven’t read before, but a couple of them will be rereads. Like The Butterfly and the Violin. Or Because He Loves Me. (I love those books so much. I can’t even tell you.)
I’ve already finished the first two books on my list. I think I’m going to try to read according to my list this year. Just so I stay organized. 😉
S.H.E. was an amazing encouragement for me. I highly recommend it for any lady, young or old, who is seeking to live a safe, healthy, empowered, and godly life.
SHE is every woman who seeks more from God and submits her life to His transforming work and a lifetime of being reborn into God’s original design.
I am enthralled with the Percy Jackson series. I love Annabeth. Greek mythology is one of my favorite topics and that series is really cleverly written and a rather easy read for me. I have a feeling I shall fly through those books. 🙂
I’m always looking for my next read. Any recommendations? What is one of your absolute favorites?

Story Time! (And why I love my job)

***DISCLAIMER*** The purpose of this post is purely to share a laugh over a person’s irrational behavior. I don’t mean to criticize him or be judgemental over how he acted because I have no idea what’s going on in his life. I also don’t mean to make fun of him or his response. I just found this amusing because it’s not normal for someone to act the way he did. I am not angry or cross with him in any way. I just want to share this story and show you how truly wonderful my job is even with colorful people such as this one. I absolutely love my job and I love Mrs. Jenny and Bailey and everyone I work with.

99% of the time, we have really happy customers. It’s a trophy shop! Occasionally, the 1% show up. In the past three months that I’ve worked there, I have met so many different kinds of people. I have met pastors, coaches, team moms, business owners, happy people, tired people, inappropriate people, loud people, soft-spoken people, polite people and rude people. The whole spectrum, I think. It’s very colorful.
Yesterday, this very big guy comes in and asks what we do for diplomas, and I suggested laminating it by putting it on a nice plaque with a colored background and it would be protected by a piece of glass or acrylic. And he was like, “No, I don’t want that.”
Then he sees this zinc casted certificate on display in our showroom and asks for a price for one of those. I didn’t know, so I asked Bailey and she said she didn’t know exactly, but she could tell him that it would be super expensive for just one. Like over $200 expensive. (It’s just like those plaques you see on the outside of the buildings or at a park as a memorial for donors or whatever.)
Anyways, this man asked Bailey in a very irritated and brash manner, “Do you have a degree?” and she was like, “I’m sorry?” And he said, “DO YOU HAVE A DEGREE????”  and she said very calmly, “No, I don’t, but my husband does and what we did with his diploma is that we laminated it like on display.”
He started shaking his head and doing that chuckle/laugh you see in the movies that makes you kind of nervous because it’s a sign of a crazy person. At this point I want to tell this man to please calm down so we can help him, but I’m afraid if I do, he would literally explode. He continues to shout at Bailey and rudely explain that he doesn’t want it laminated and starts to storm out of the store when he asks about our business, and where the owners were. Bailey told him the owner wasn’t around. (But they really were, she just said that to make him leave.) And so he took a business card and Bailey told him to call on MONDAY to talk to Mr. Mike if he wanted.
During most of that, I’m dealing with another customer, a much quieter and nicer man, and all that’s going through my head is, “WOAH. What the heck is going on?!?!? What is this guy’s problem?!?” (And I bet you this other customer was thinking the same thing!) After the rude guy left, Mrs. Jenny comes out from the back and tells me that I should never let people like him get to me and proceeded to ask me if I was okay and if I needed any help. I had to say I was fine a couple times to make myself believe that I was fine, but I really was fine. My feelings weren’t hurt like the last encounters I had with brash, ornery, old men. I want to say I was almost hysterical because it was kind of hilarious how fast this guy blew up. He was only in the showroom for about five minutes and he just erupted! I just wanted to laugh and laugh and if I did, I would sound crazy.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL.

The same guy calls not even ten minutes later and Bailey answers. She told me later that he drove to our competitor and used their phone to call us and shouted at her demanding to speak to “that oriental girl” and she was like, “Excuse me?”

The second I heard he asked for me I was like, “I’m not talking to him.” And Mrs. Jenny said “You’re not allowed to talk to him! If that company ever calls again, do not answer the phone. We’re going to let Mike deal with him.”

AND THEN

He calls right as we’re about to leave and he didn’t realize I was “that oriental girl” and He asked if Mr. Mike was around.

When I realized he was that guy I was like, “Oh, snap!” and said, “no, he would be back on Monday.” (just like Bailey said.)

And he was like, “Can’t you get ahold of him over the weekend?!?!? It is only Wednesday.” and I said, “No, sir, it is Thursday.”

And He was like, “FINE. It’s THURSDAY.”

So I told him to call again on Monday.
I honestly hope he calls on Monday so Mr. Mike can tell him to never come back. Mom suggested giving him a lollipop and I told her no, because he would have chucked it at someone’s head because he was so mad. 😛
So. That makes four people that I have met at work that I do not like and wish to never see or talk to again. Only four out of the hundreds of people I have come in contact with.
Even though there are colorful people like him every once and awhile, I honestly love my job so much. I love that I have to be happy all the time and that no question is a stupid question. I love that Mrs. Jenny and Bailey have my back and that they’re ready to tell someone to leave if they’re being really rude or disrespectful. I love that Mrs. Jenny instigates her philosophy of cutting out all the negative, ugly people in her life. I love that they’re concerned about my heart and my feelings and make it a point to protect me if they have to. I am so very blessed to have this job and to work with amazing people.